Mastering Small Talk with Bela Gandhi
Those of us who aren’t the “life of the party” types often dread events where we have to make “small talk.” But remember, small talk is what leads to “big talk” and forming long-term relationships! Here are seven tips for feeling less awkward with small talk and maybe even making a new connection.
by Bela Gandhi
Stop Telling Yourself “I’m Awkward”
Moods are contagious—make sure you are at your most positive and best. If you’re allowing negative thoughts like, “I’m terrible at small talk,” you might be creating a self-fulfilling prophecy. Instead, tell yourself, “I’ve got this and it’s JUST a conversation.” You’ve got a full plan of action and you’re ready to take the small-talk world by storm!
Look Approachable We all think we look approachable—but we truly have NO idea what our faces look like and people don’t tell us! Do people say you look intimidating? Do people stop you on the street and ask you for directions? You may wear a very serious facial expression that looks intense, scary, or angry. People want to talk to positive, friendly, happy looking people. So think happy thoughts and look up and smile so you look appealing. If you’re wondering about what you look like while talking, record yourself on your cell phone answering the question, “What am I doing this weekend?” Watch the video (don’t be shocked if you
don’t love it). Do it again while smiling and watch the difference. This is something
we do with all of our clients and it makes a big difference in how they feel!
Seek out the Life of the Party A great way to ease yourself into a party
is to seek out the person in the center of the circle regaling bystanders with stories.
If you’re an introvert, or like me a slow-to-warm-up extrovert, slipping into a chat with
the friendly extrovert takes so much pressure off. You can do what you do best, which
is listen and ask good follow up questions.
Be the Conversational Leader If you’re in a situation where you’re alone at a gathering (or can’t find a “life of the party” type around), be the “conversational leader!” Don’t be a wallflower waiting for someone to approach you. Look for someone who might be alone, or a group of two that look friendly. If you need to, take your time to warm up and find these people. Approach them, introduce yourself, and ask how they know the hosts. Or maybe ask them what they’re drinking or eating that looks interesting!
Be Socially Generous Start with the mindset that you are looking for what is good in people all around you. Then, when you see someone you’re interested in, you can find something nice about them and say it. If the compliment is sincere, the person receiving it will be flattered and respond! It’s a great way to break the ice and make someone feel good. You can comment on something they’re wearing, doing, whatever seems natural and not too personal.
Listen to Understand Be very present during the conversation—because it makes it a LOT easier to find places to connect with people or things that you agree upon! People love meeting people that grew up where
they did, went to similar schools, traveled to the same places! But don’t interrupt a person’s story to say, “Me too!” You’ll look like a conversational hijacker. Wait until someone has finished their story and then say, “Me too!”
Give juicy details If someone asks you, “So Linsday, what’s new?” to break the ice—don’t say, “Oh nothing really. Same old.” Instead say, “Work has been great—I love my new job, and I’m getting ready to take a safari vacation with my family soon.” This makes conversation MUCH easier for your partner—and gives them things to ask you about.
Bela Gandhi is CEO and founder of Smart Dating Academy. Learn more at smartdatingacademy.com or follow her at @belagandhilove